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Hand to Heart


This month has been typical of an Arkansas winter (as I know them - I'm told my grandfather watched the grown ups cut ice blocks from the river when he was a child and I've never seen that river frozen solid enough to walk on). There have been several days out of almost every week that allowed for outdoor walks in short sleeves - aaand we were also iced in for three days. Some parts of the state (and country) got snow, but we got three inches of danger sprinkles, tiny sleet balls that fell with a sound like broken glass and were absolutely impossible to mold or walk on without slipping.


The ice came after grocery day but regrettably spanned the days the Bigs would normally have ninja gymnastics and ballet, respectively, but since neither got to go, both were at peace with it. My partner downloaded the Spyro video games and taught the Bigs how to play, and the little one sat on the bed with everyone else and provided commentary. I took everyone to a park the next week to make up for missing their usual active time. My middle ended up spending an hour going down and up a spiral slide, while the other two built a moat and sand castle from the ice-melt sludge, so hopefully everyone's bodies got what they needed.


It was nice already having a stay-home intention set, before being made to do so. As with all of us having COVID and my partner's back surgery recovery, it was a lot easier to accept not being able to go anywhere when it wasn't really ruining any important plans or forcing anyone to go out anyway in order to get to work. We were also prepared, since I've been practicing only going to the grocery store once a week. I managed to not only have necessities but also a few snow day treats as well (is it even seasonal candy if you don't eat so much of it that you are glad you don't have to see another conversation heart until next February?)


I finished a hat and journaled and read a book, and one improvement from the snow we had last year was that this time I had multiple online gatherings (a couple of scheduled workshops and one semi impromptu get together with internet friends) so even though I was home, I didn't feel the isolation that I have in the past. I've also been introspecting more regularly so I'm less afraid of being left with my own thoughts.

After everything thawed, even the shaded place on our front walk that provided entertainment for passersby for days, I noticed my own inner shift toward spring. I've hibernated for about two months, which is significantly longer than I've ever managed to do so previously, but also I think I'm coming to the part of the practice where you wiggle your fingers and toes and blink your eyes open after a restful savasana. The light is shifting away from the bedroom and toward my desk in the front of the house, the interval where I turn off the heat and wait as long as possible before using the air conditioning is approaching, and I do feel the better for having made space to rest along with nature instead of imposing an artificial and capitalistic calendar on what is meant to be an ebbing and flowing year-long rhythm. I have begun to accept that I am not a gardening sort of person, but I can still observe the seasons with appropriate practices - in this case, a winter rest, followed by a spring awakening.
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