I am terrible at asking for help. Alright, I was all for calling a rooting service this morning when our main line backed up (again), but that's something I have zero experience or expertise in. But last night when, on the way to church, I spotted a beautiful log on the side of road that was begging to be brought home and made into a seat (the tree was a casualty from a recent storm), I cheerfully told the man who stopped and offered assistance that I "had it." (Retrospectively, after struggling to get it into the front seat of my car - I think it weighs as much as I do - and being spotted by at least one person from church, I regretted not taking him up on his offer, but I did manage it finally).
Even worse is asking for help with an emotional problem. I keep it together for as long as I can, slowly devolving into a greater curmudgeon than usual, all the while wondering why no one is offering me a hug. I mean, can't they tell what's wrong?!
But one day last week I was dragged on a hormone-driven roller coaster through the five stages of grief (with extra long loops of Anger and Depression) and no amount of logic or attempted compartmentalizing would make it go away. I gritted my teeth through what turned out to be a long and exhausting day, checking every initial response and replacing it with a more reasonable one, and apologizing a lot.
So I texted Adam before he got home, trying to prepare him for what might meet him at the door, and requested extra grace and perhaps chocolate. He turned up with a smile and an armful of thoughtful gifts (including chocolate), and I realized something: maybe no one actually knows that something is wrong if I don't tell them. Maybe people are more willing to help than I think they are, they're just waiting to be told what they can do. Sometimes my problems can be solved with a cup of chocolate sorbet (with rainbow sprinkles!) from our favorite soda fountain - and sometimes, I get by with a little help from my friends.*
*This is the conclusion I draw when I listen to the Beatles while writing
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