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One of my favorite jobs was the time I spent as a library page. In the basement where the giant conveyer brought all the returned books, once the machine sorted everything by area, we would manually sort them into more specific categories, while alphabetizing them. Then they would go on carts and we would heave them onto the elevator and up to the stacks. Some things were loosely organized; both picture books and paperback romance novels were sorted by the first letter of the author's last name only, while board books weren't sorted at all. Biographies are alphabetical by the last name of the person they're about. Nonfiction, on the other hand, is categorized by up to three digits on either side of a decimal, with further alphabetization within that. Still, there is a lot of variety within each section. A manual on how to operate Microsoft Excel and an expose about aliens in the US government can be next to each other in the 000s, and "adult fiction" covers almost every genre.

We also use labels to help us define ourselves, and those around us. To decide where to go to school, where to work, where to live, who to be with. I would venture to say that most of us think, or at least believe, that the labels we have for ourselves are the best ones. It motivates us, helps us connect, helps us survive.

I mentioned boxes a few posts back, and not fitting in them anymore. But one thing that I did keep as I was breaking them down for recycling was the labels. I may not fit in the wife box, the mom box, the woman box, or the Christian box, but there are other ways to be those things (and for that matter, other boxes, in different sizes and patterns, with the same labels).

As my whole self, I can be a partner who meets my counterpart with the full benefit of my strengths and the full honesty of my wobbly places, and expect to be met with the same. I can do relationship in a way that is unlike what I was told it should be, but in a way that connects me deeply with my counterpart. A way that encourages those involved to take responsibility for themselves, while holding the utmost compassion for others. A way that nurtures peace and closeness in my home in ways that the box version never did.

As my whole self, I can be a parent who treats my children with respect for their inherent worth. I can seek understanding rather than compliance, connection rather than punishment. I can model the behaviors I want to see by asking questions, listening to and respecting the answers, saying sorry, and setting boundaries, rather than ruling with fear. I view this as a journey we're all together on for awhile, before our paths split, and I want them to have the tools they need to navigate whatever they meet on their own. A lot of them we're learning together, and I'm okay with that. It's how I learn best.

As my whole self, I can nurture a faith that leads to peace. I can uphold practices that I learned in childhood, in ways that benefit me now. I can make decisions with a goal of moving toward peace, rather than away from fear. I can bring the fullness of who I am into everything I do, valuing Spirit as well as study, curiosity rather than knowing. 

As my whole self, I can be... my whole self. My attitude toward gender is more or less that of Loki (the mythological, more than the Marvel, version): gender is a social construct in which I choose to participate only as much as it pleases me. I like my body, but I do not like being told that the details of my body somehow make certain decisions for me. I'll choose for myself, thankyouverymuch, my own boundaries and my own strengths and my own pursuits. Until such a time as our society stops making assumptions based on physical traits over which people have no control, I'll wear a she/they pin on my jacket. 

I am not generally fond of labels. They come with many assumptions and can cause misunderstandings. But I also recognize that certain actions beget certain labels. By way of compromise, I have accepted them in lieu of the boxes, reserving the right to remove them at any time. They may be on me, but they are not me. The table of contents, not the complete text of the book.

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