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Home as Haven


In September, I sat down and created a daily schedule. We already had an extracurricular for each of the Bigs, so I mapped out a daily schedule (school for weekdays, unlimited screen time on Saturdays, no screens on Sundays). Last month I added in a Hello Fresh subscription to fill in three of the unplanned dinners (we already had pizza on Fridays and pick up tacos on Tuesday on our way home from ninja gymnastics). Also, since my oldest was born, we have had something every afternoon called "practicing peace" which is everyone in their own spaces quietly for an hour or two (as needed), which is great because it fills time and also helps everyone wind down from the morning, in preparation for the evening. It's been going pretty well.

But last week was the test. One day last week I woke up and discovered that my youngest had thoughtfully shared the "snurfle" he'd had, and also I had started my cycle. And I didn't panic. The Bigs are used to their routine so they carried on, helping each other get their breakfast and lunch and doing their school in the morning. Since we already have an expectation of practicing peace in the afternoons, I was able to roll up in a quilt and waddle outside to the hammock and take an actual nap. Otherwise, I sat in my favorite chair and scrolled on my phone, answering questions when asked and giving assistance when needed. 

My illness philosophy is that happiness is healing, so whatever makes you happy is what you get (within reason). So if my youngest is happy sitting on the couch with his favorite blanket and his "mla mla" (llama) and a box of tissues, watching his favorite movie three times in a day, that's what he gets, and I ought to be able to do the same (with a hot bag instead of a stuffie, and Twitter instead of a movie). We get better and back to normal a whole lot more quickly that way, too.

Not only did we all have a pleasantly restful day, we then proceeded to do it four more times. It was amazing. I read a book. I finished a knitting project. I took naps. I also did a whole lot of nothing, and because of that I was able to stay present and provide needed care and support. Admittedly there is some maintenance cleaning that did not happen that I will be spending a few days catching up on, now that I'm feeling better (head colds really should not exist during pandemics). But I feel rested and refreshed and like I kind of had a break, because I did.

This is the home I want. I want a space that invites rest and creativity. I want good systems and habits that clear energy for fun and spontaneity, or for fluctuations of ability. I want productivity and rest, work and play, in reasonable balance, with none of them ruling us to the exclusion of the others. And I've got it. And for that I am grateful.
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