I exist in a paradoxical state of thriving on both structure and spontaneity. Too much structure and I begin to feel trapped, too much spontaneity and everything crumbles into chaos around me. So I need to keep them in balance. I've been this way since childhood, distinctly remembering The Day I Didn't Make Any Decisions with horror (I believe it was supposed to be a teaching moment but I do not remember the lesson) but also having clung with near desperation to any ritual or tradition I could find.
One way that I manage to have both at the same time is with "systems" (this is the family term for them). Each day has a designated theme (for the kids) and then is divided into roughly two hour blocks. But that is just the penciled outline - how we color it in day to day is up to us. It's Words Day today - will we sit under a blanket and read all day together, play phonics games, split up and read in our own spaces, put together the alphabet floor puzzle and hop around spelling sight words? In the Before Times we would go to the library on Words Day, and that meant a discussion on the way of what books we wanted, and learning how to find them when the only information we had to go on was "you know, Mom, that book about the trucks" and I remembered the illustrator but not the author. Since the categories are so broad, anything out of the ordinary that comes up can be worked into the theme.
But sometimes I need even more structure than the systems provide. Last year I finally managed to get everyone in their own beds (for the most part - my middle is still partial to morning snuggles) and sleeping pretty much through the night, so I felt like it might be possible to try some sort of wake up/wind down routine. It took some tweaking but I did find something that worked - for a few months. I took November and December off - November involuntarily and December on purpose. But I was ready to get back to it by the end of the year, so this time I started the Monday after Christmas so that I already had a nice rhythm by New Year.
It starts the night before - a blue light cut off an hour before my scheduled bedtime, actually using the fancy setting my phone has so that it stops sending notifications after nine and locks up almost completely from 10pm to 7am, and making sure to set everything up the night before (unroll my mat, lay out the yoga cards with my morning routine on them, prep my tea) so that Morning Me can stumble into the living room and not have any fine motor tasks demanded of her too early. When it's cool enough, I end my day with a mug of hot vanilla (a cup of warm milk or nondairy milk substitute with a capful of vanilla, a spoonful of honey, and a dash of cinnamon in it) because the warmth is soothing and also because I am bad at eating so ending my day with whole milk and honey is helpful for my neglected body. I have a "sleepy roller" with lavender, marjoram, and bergamot essential oils mixed with almond oil in a little roller ball thingie that I put on my feet and wrists right when I go to bed, and as I'm laying there trying to fall asleep I go through my day chronologically and say "I'm grateful" for the things that I actually am grateful for. I'm grateful that Adam fixed the bathroom vent fan so I can have heat while I'm drying brushing in the morning. I'm grateful for the new tea I got. I'm grateful that I had a Whole Thought and enough time to write it down. I'm grateful for the beautiful sunrise. I'm grateful that we got to make pinecone bird feeders from the pinecones Brooklyn collected. I've noticed in the past that trying to pray has an extremely soporific effect, and since this is a form of prayer, I rarely make it to lunch time. If for some reason I do get woken up in the night, I pick up with the last thing I remember and keep going.
If I simply list it - blue light cut off, prep for tomorrow, hot vanilla, sleepy roller, daily gratitude - it really isn't much, but I have observed a noticeable improvement in my sleep quality (assuming that no one else has other plans, which does happen about once a week, but I'm hopeful we'll outgrow that soon).
In the mornings, my alarm goes off half an hour before Adam's so I can have the bathroom without feeling like I'm in anyone's way. I don't necessarily want or need a shower every single day, so on the non shower days, I've been dry brushing. It's a nice way to wake my body up gently. Adam gave me some noise blocking bluetooth earbuds for Christmas so I listen to the Daily Wellness playlist the Spotify has (it alternates wellness podcasts with music based on the music I listen to) and The Daily Shine podcast is about how long the dry brushing takes. I have a specific Morning Routine outfit that consists of some comfortable high waisted yoga pants and a cute matching cropped sweatshirt so I feel dressed but also I'm not trying to do my warm up yoga routine in my less-flexible daytime clothes. After a very gentle arms-and-shoulders focused flow, I put away while my tea kettle boils. Altogether that takes a little over half an hour, which then gives me an hour to write (like this blog post) or study (I'm finishing up a journalism certification, and wanting to do something creative writing related next). That leaves an hour before breakfast which I can use to check email and social media, do my daily She Reads Truth devo, put away my computer, wash the water bottles and get breakfast things set out, and get dressed and make the bed. The Bigs are supposed to clean their rooms and get dressed before breakfast, and I've noticed that it helps them do that when I'm doing the same thing.
Something that I added this year that I didn't do last year when I initially tested getting up earlier (before which I had been getting up when the kids did, which led to chaotic mornings and feeling discombobulated all day) is transitions. At first I just got up and stumbled into the living room to write, but that was almost as disruptive as being woken up by kids. But this time I put half an hour on each end for transitional tasks that help ease me into (and out of) a concentrative mental state.
I really tried to be realistic both about what I needed from a routine, and also the blocks that stand in the way of one. So far it's been effective - I'm open to adjusting as needed as time goes on, but at least I've got a solid framework to build on!
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