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Begin Again


A practice I began near the beginning of this year was pulling a card daily to journal on - more as a starting point for free writing than anything. I also discovered that it's a great way to get to know a new deck, so when my long awaited Botanica arrived a few weeks ago (it had been in pandemic limbo for months) I finished up the one I was using and eagerly began anew with Kevin's lovely floral illustrations.

The first card I pulled, at my inaugural monthly retreat, was The Tower. Structures razed to the ground, slates wiped clean. I know people who are terrified of that card, but I personally found it both reassuring and actually expected. The whole past year has been a deconstructing process for me, so I was already safely out of the building before the lightning struck.

Now begins clean up and reconstruction. I've essentially decided what's worth keeping at this point, so now begins the journey of filling in the gaps. 

Replacing complaining with gratitude. 

Replacing martyrdom with mindfulness.

Replacing control with creativity.

Replacing fear with freedom.

There's so much wonder in the world, just waiting to be embraced, and I want to embrace it, not only for my own benefit but also for those I share space with. I don't want my kids to remember me as controlling and exhausted when they're older and deciding why not to give me a call. That's not a good legacy. I want to build a better future together, with both the short term and the long term in mind.

I still have a bit of clean up to do, but my writing cycle starts over in August so I think that's as good a time as any to begin again, and that also gives me some accountability for not perpetually tweaking but never actually enacting. I've got two busy months to adjust when I can and percolate when I can't, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the future holds.

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