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Fortitude...

A voracious reader who swiftly read my way through the books intended for me at the tiny local library in my childhood hometown, I moved on to The Classics at a fairly young age, which being predominately a collection of writings by white men on white men's exploits, heavily featured the word fortitude. Stirring narratives of exploration and conquest and being mistaken for deities, a cup of tea in one hand and a flag in the other, were eager to explain how much courage they exhibited in the face of pain and adversity.

But without an appropriately balanced historical lens to view those tales through, I didn't realize how damaging that message could be. Sometimes you have to leave your home and find a new one - according to Amnesty International, there are currently 26 million refugees scattered across the globe, driven from their homes by manmade and natural disasters. But a lot of the trials that the "heroes" of my books faced were largely self inflicted. Traveling until they found a place inhabited by people darker than them gave them, in their minds, a right to plant their little flag and claim it - and they were somehow shocked when they were shot at for it.

As someone who tends to thrive in the face of adversity, I have had to learn slowly what hills are worth dying on (as it turns out, very few). Is it truly courage when the pain is self-inflicted? Instead I go forth with, yes, a cup of tea, but a journal in the other hand instead of a banner, striving to take only memories and leave only footprints.* Writing through my thoughts and then doing any necessary research before inflicting them on others; taking a sip of tea during conversation to stop each statement falling out of my mouth so I can look at it first; decolonizing my mind and life by reading accounts from the opposing perspective, both historical and modern. There is certainly an application for fortitude, but it's far better to let that come from external sources or as a natural byproduct of dismantling toxic systems than because I brought it on myself.

*Integrity compels me to cite two sources for that quote: here and here

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