Tuesday, April 11, 2017

52 Lists: moments that have shaped you

For me, the best place for a fresh start or to begin a new project is on my birthday - the beginning of my year. So the year I was 21, I did a photo a day project (that ended up including an internship in Cleveland, meeting/dating my now-husband Adam, and going to New York to work for Vogue Knitting - so I'm retrospectively glad that I committed to documenting that particular year!), and the year I was 24, I knitted the sky (one row on a scarf each day in the color of the sky). So for 27, I'm doing lists. I'm going to roughly follow along with the book The 52 Lists Project.

A list of difficult moments in my past that have shaped me for the better

Once upon a time there was a little girl who loved stories. She loved to read stories, and to make them up herself. Sometimes she wrote them down, but most of the time she just told them to herself. There were two that she especially liked; one about time traveling, and one about a spy.

The stories became her friends. She told them to herself so often that she would skip over the boring sections to get to her favorite parts. Sometimes she would be drawn to a certain chapter for weeks, telling it over and over and fine tuning it until it felt like it was what it was meant to be.

Even as she got older, she still told herself the stories, usually as she was falling asleep at night. Sometimes she told herself that it was silly and she should stop, but she never did.

Then one day one of the stories came true. And she realized that they weren't stories about time traveling or spies, but they were a way of keeping her dreams and ideals safe. That she had been taking little pieces of herself and tucking them away into the stories so they could keep living, unable to throw them away.

So she became the girl in her stories - and after awhile she realized that she didn't need the stories any more, because she was living them, instead.

Yet another unlistable list. I can't exactly quantify the moments that have shaped me, although I can reference specific chapters in my stories that mark those moments. But one long moment that I can point to is this deployment - it's given me the space to unpack all my mental boxes and really examine them. Without it, I might have kept telling the stories, instead of becoming them.

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