March! That sounds promisingly spring-y to me. Although, the promise of Spring is already being fulfilled here in the South - the Jane magnolias have bloomed, the forsythias have lost their blossoms as they begin to grow leaves, and the ants have begun their yearly attack a solid two months earlier than usual.
February was, to be quite honest, rough. We three are all thoroughly tired of Adam being gone, and have begun to get on each other's nerves (more than usual. There's always 4pm). At the end of several weeks during which Everything Was Awful And I Was Not Okay, I called for reinforcements and let the Littles spend a few days with out-of-town grandparents. Per the Sanity Rules, I worked on lowering my blood pressure before scraping the last of the applesauce off the walls, and found deep soul refreshment in a hike and some solid knitting time.
It is totally okay to not be okay. That's a lesson I'm learning slowly, since one of my spiritual gifts is "being the calm person when everyone else is freaking out," but sometimes I need to be the one who freaks out. I am so grateful to have people in my life who will be the Calm One for me when I need them - people who ask how I am, and then don't run away and not look back when I pour out my tale of woe.
But I'm learning to find peace in the beauty - to look up and look around when I'm feeling overwhelmed by a circumstance, and to fixate on something beautiful. I suppose it's a variation on seeking gratitude in all things, although this strikes a deeper chord in me. Like Sam's song at the edge of Mordor in JRR Tolkien's book The Return of the King... "above all shadows rides the sun / and stars forever dwell / I will not say the day is done / nor bid the stars farewell." He wasn't necessarily having a moment of "well, it's dark enough where I am here, but I'm glad to have seen that star before going on to the hardest and darkest part of this quest" - it seems to me to be more of a simple acknowledgement that as long as there is beauty somewhere, there is hope.
So moving forward into the season of Lent, that's my goal. To share that hope by consuming less and contributing more - not just by, for example, only checking social media when I have something (I hope) of value to add, but also intentionally calling out the beauty that surrounds me so it can touch the hearts of others, as well.