Thursday, March 31, 2016

Those Who Wait

Uncertainty is my nemesis (I feel like I've already mentioned my relationship with uncertainty, but it bears repeating). The wondering, the lack of control, that horrible state where it's physically impossible to not do something but you're not confident about what to do - ack!

Paradoxically, I'm totally fine with waiting, once something becomes certain. For example, Christmas and my birthday fall on the same day every year, and I don't chafe against the days that lie between. But so little is actually certain...

at Marcus Tullis' Manhattan photography studio, where I was consulting on a how-to shoot for Knit Simple

That means that faith is something that I struggle with, since I see so many things as uncertain when I should just be waiting for them because God keeps His promises. The only area in which I don't have this problem is knitting - I think because that's one thing that I'm confident is something that I'm Supposed To Do. With knitting these crazy ideas drift across my mind and I accept them without question. I'd like to work for Vogue Knitting, but only temporarily, to learn more about the industry from the publisher's perspective - 4 years later, due to a combination of events that had little do with guided effort on my part and too extraordinary to be coincidental, their yarn editor went on maternity leave and I was her replacement. The only position in which I was a part of every level of the process, and the perfect learning experience (on top of which everyone there, from my coworkers to my church sisters to my roommate, was extremely kind and gave me opportunities above and beyond my job description).

That was five years ago this summer - and it still stands as the most notable example of arrogant trust upheld in my life. And while the memory (and the echoes) keep me going, I'd like to continue living that out more intentionally, not only with knitting but with the rest of my life, as well - to believe in the One who gives good things, and to embrace faithful waiting instead of uncertainty.

2548. A small Small Group, but a group nonetheless
2549. Meeting Adam for lunch so that Brooklyn and Tobin could see him, since he worked late
2550. Tobin stacking four blocks
2551. Errands before the rain, and sale raspberries and bouquets
2552. Brooklyn choosing a banana from the Whole Kids basket and eating the entire thing in the car
2553. Catching up with a long-distance friend on Voxer

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