Skip to main content

In the In Between

I tend to maintain the illusion of having it (more or less) together. It's not always intentional... I've been counting gifts for a few years, so I try to see the good in every situation, and I don't want everything I post on social media to be a downer on someone's day (whether that be a verbal complaint or a "gee, I wish I hadn't seen that photo while I was eating my lunch!" shot of a kid-related catastrophe), so sometimes it appears I'm living out of a highlights reel. 

I felt like I struck a decent balance with the toes pictured above - a sweet picture, that I posted on Instagram with an honest caption referencing the reason that the owner of those toes had to have a bath (which wasn't pretty - Adam got the "exhibits A and B" shots so he'd be prepared for possible discussion when he got home, and, to be honest, because I was feeling sorry for myself over the morning we were having and wanted some pity, but those didn't get publically posted). 

But that was a rare moment - too often, I tip toward over-filtering.

from Even If Not by Kaitlyn E Bouchillon

I just like for things to be tidy. I recognize that stuff happens, but then I'd like it to stop happening so I can have a happy ending for my blog post, or better yet, a terrific spiritual application. Because there are only so many posts you can write from the valley before they all start to sound the same... and so, I filter.

But in her new book, Even If Not, Kaitlyn Bouchillon dives into life in the "ampersand" - that symbol that stands between here & there, between questions & answers, between darkness & light... really, the place where we all find ourselves most of the time.

adorable print from the book, pinned up on my prayer board, available here

Gently encouraging (and at times, painfully convicting), she shares her own story as she's living it, calling us to live and share ours, as well. And even if we haven't arrived, even if we don't understand, even if nothing goes as planned, to lean into God in trust instead of trying to yank the pen out of His hand and write our own story, thank-you-very-much.

While I could happily share whole chapters' worth of quotes ("Darkness & Light" struck me especially, as an ampersand that I'm currently inhabiting), I'd prefer that you read it for yourself! So comment with an in-between you're living in (or have lived in in the past), and I'll randomly select one commenter to send a copy of the book and a little ampersand journal. (If you're impatient, don't want to leave it to chance, or would like to get a copy for a friend, head here!)
Editing to add: congratulations to Patti!

2463. The way Tobin mimics Brooklyn's inflection when he says "hi"
2464. My identity in Christ
2465. A hot bath and the new issue of Mary Jane's Farm
2466. Brooklyn's enthusiasm over looking at houses, wanting to see all the rooms
2467. Nisolos that fit (I guessed wrong the first time)
2468. Pretty printable prayer cards


Miranda said…
I am living my in between right now. My husband is currently in prison for a crime he didn't commit. Our kids who are seven and four and myself miss him dearly. I feel like God is calling me forward but I have trouble moving forward while he is stuck in there against his will. God has him in there for a reason but still it doesn't make it hurt any less. When I first read the description of Kaitlyn's book, I felt it was meant for me. I have yet to purchase it because I only make $300 a month so funds are low.

Popular posts from this blog

31 Days of Unraveling Designs

It's that time of year again... the 31 Days writing challenge starts today! Bloggers from all over will be writing every day of the month of October on the topic of their choosing. This will be my fourth year participating - the first year I did 7 for 31, and spent a month going through Jen Hatmaker's book 7. The second year I did 31 Days of Sustainable Dwelling, and wrote about local and fair trade living. Last year I was busy but still wanted to participate, so I went the easy route with 31 Days of Everyday Beautiful.

This year I'm diving into my greatest passion: knitting! I'll spend this month looking at past designs and talking about the inspiration behind them, so there will be plenty of regular life mixed in with the stitching - and there may be discount codes for the patterns that I write about. You'll just have to read and see!

Pattern index:

Pageturner Mitts
Hogwarts House Tie
Urban Artemis
Graffiti for Humanity
Love Out Loud
Strange Jacket


In order to change your knitting, you must first change yourself. I've lost track of how many times I've said that, or how many people I've said it to. Frustrated new knitters wondering why their work is loose or tight or uneven or really anything less than perfect. But something I love about knitting is that it's a record of your inner dialogue. That swatch knit at the yarn store table with a cozy cup of coffee and a helpful (and more experienced) knitter nearby is going to be a lot more relaxed than the sweater begun a week later while sitting next to a hospital bed - just like the knitter.

Unfortunately, this also applies to my own knitting. For years, I was apparently unaffected by the shifts and turmoils in my own life, so I assumed that I was exempt from the rule - when the reality was, in fact, that I wasn't really experiencing any of those on anything deeper than a surface level because everything was deadened by depression. When I finally started to really…


A few years ago, I was introduced to the concept of replacing the traditional list of resolutions with a single word. It appealed to me - I am not a big list person, but I love language and words and meanings and etymology and metaphor and... ahem. Ennyhoo. I liked the idea.
I've never chosen the word. It's always presented itself to me - and last year was no different. Pacific was very insistent, even though I tried to argue with it. Pacific? What does that even mean? What am I supposed to do with that?
But I accepted it, and I'm glad I did. I learned about depth and calm, about storm and nurture, about faith and adventure - and about the unstoppable ocean of God's grace, that overwhelms to fill and cleanse and bring blessings unasked.
So I'm bidding pacific a very fond farewell, and welcoming spark and whatever lessons it would like to bring. I invited it in with a copper wire punctuated with tiny lights and wrapped around my mood board, and I've got an empt…