1886. Sitting on the couch together after Brooklyn and Tobin went to bed, knitting and reading (respectively)
1887. The new knit shop being pleased with how I used the yarn I bought
1888. A card-making night at Fellowship North, for the prayer team/card sending ministry
1889. Picking up breakfast at Beast for all of us with Brooklyn and Tobin, then meeting Adam after his class
1890. Getting to the post office before they closed
1892. An evening trail walk
1893. Tobin putting up with the sun hat - it kept the sun out of his eyes, but also kept him from being able to see past his own double chin
1894. Brooklyn eating her very own taco, and sharing her guacamole with Tobin (she was more excited about the arrangement than he was)
1895. Long-awaited pre-ordered books arriving in the mail
1896. UK pattern sales - I never know if I've sold any until the end of the month, and it's always a pleasant surprise
1897. A knit night at a knitting store - it's been awhile!
1898. Surviving a very long day
1899. A relaxing Adventure To An Undisclosed Location that I didn't have to plan
1900! A lovely visit over tea with a new mentor/friend
1901. Finding a tasty and (comparatively) inexpensive brand of gf cookies at Target
1902. Gorgeously cool evenings
1903. Sweet friends who send random and wholly unexpected notes of encouragement that arrive exactly when they're needed
1904. Adam having leave so that he could take off extra days to bracket a busy weekend
1905. Sharing our cookies-and-library tradition with Adam
1906. Convincing Tobin to go back to bed after he woke up at 5am and getting an afternoon nap myself - much needed rest
I've spent a lot of my life lonely - either due to my own tendencies or an unfortunate series of events that simply culminated in loneliness. That's caused some degree of angst, frustration, and depression.
But alone is a whole 'nother animal. As an introvert, alone time is how I recharge. Human contact drains my battery slowly and insidiously, and the only thing that will bring that little red bar back up to a full green one is solitude.
Understand that I do enjoy spending time with people. I love my husband, kids, and family - I relish interacting with local business owners - I like going to knit nights and church functions, be it a study or a class or a crafting session - I sought out a mentor last week who came to visit a few days ago and we spent a couple of hours talking and decided to make it a weekly thing, and I didn't regret a single click of the energy that that drained.
And yet... there comes a point (daily, if I'm honest, although it doesn't usually happen that often) at which, in order to maintain reasonable functionality and keep senseless snapping to a minimum, I need to spend some time alone. Journaling. Praying. Knitting. Maybe listening to a podcast or some music, or maybe reveling in glorious silence. A time that I can process everything I've thought or encountered over the course of the day that I wasn't able to adequately deal with at the time but was too important to just lay aside. A time to Be Still and not just pray "I need this thing and I need it right now" prayers, but to praise and adore and listen. A time to finish a whole thought, from beginning to end, without being diverted midway in order to avert a potential emergency (the baby who can't sit up on his own yet can somehow climb and requires a lot of rescuing and consolation).
Even now, I chose the deserted patio at our nearest coffee shop, preparing myself mentally and emotionally for a people-filled weekend. I'm grateful for the friendship that causes such things, and glad that loneliness is becoming less and less of a struggle - but I'm also grateful in this moment that I can be alone.
Blending One Thousand Gifts with Five Minute Friday - a weekly flashmob of bloggers that gather, internet-wide, to write for five minutes (no stopping, no editing) on a prompt provided by sweet Kate, then link up and share a little comment love. For more posts, more info, and/or to join in, head here!