Thursday, April 30, 2015


The weekly reckoning...
1534. Taking a shower before anyone else was up, so I didn't feel rushed
1535. Making pancakes and bacon and having an early morning conversation with Carolyn before she had to go back to Fayetteville 
1536. A rainy morning spent at the Museum of Discovery, all-four-together
1537. A morning spent quietly at home
1538. Dividing-and-conquering the groceries, and finding a treat that Adam would like on sale at Whole Foods
1539. Surviving a long day that followed a long night
1540. Lobby monitors, so that I could still hear the sermon while walking around with Tobin
1541. Blowing bubbles with Brooklyn
1542. A walk to end our weekend 
1543. Playing Yahtzee with Adam, while Tobin observed
1544. Plans rescheduled, instead of cancelled
1545. Tobin's 4 month wellness check going smoothly
1546. Getting everyone's laundry done and put away, and the stain coming out of one of Tobin's onesies that I had given up on
1547. Hot tea for cold rainy days
1548. Having the apartment tidied by the time that Adam got home, late
1549. Taking morning naps, all three together
1550. Tobin sleeping through the night (first time in a week)
1551. That MIT has a lot of their courses free online - you don't get credited for them, but you can learn things!

I always wonder about the road not taken, after I've made my choice... What would have happened if, in the long hall of choices, lined with doors of all shapes and sizes, some locked and some unlocked, I had chosen differently? Where would I be now if my trajectory had taken a different direction a year ago - or a week ago - or five minutes ago? The wondering can be tortuous.

But in Prince Caspian, Aslan tells Lucy that we can never know what might have been - that always stood out to me, oddly comforting. The hypothetical doesn't exist, and the fact remains that because of the decision I've made, doors walked through and doors left unopened, I am where I am today.

Because I accepted a ride to a party I didn't want to go to, I met the amazing man I'm married to. If I hadn't, we wouldn't have two adorable children. I would probably still be living Fayetteville... or not, who knows. All of my trials would be replaced by different trials, all of my joys by different joys.

Last week I chose the door of Friendship, and it led to an enjoyable hour not-alone on a trail, and a painting date set for next month. I chose the door of Service, and it led to a few extra minutes with Adam at the end of a long day. I chose the door of Adventure, delving into classes that I've wanted to do for a long time. I chose the door of Prayer, of deep breaths and cups filled with tea instead of bitterness. And I chose the door of Gratitude, a weathered one but silver-edged, with one of those beautiful old glass knobs, half hidden under trailing ivy - because that one leads to a garden. There are thorns and weeds still, but there is also redemption, shafts of sunlight illuminating thought-dead flowers. And there is a wall, with still more doors --- so I'll go farther up and further in, until I get far enough away from the Noise to see that all really is a gift, to lay my lists and journals aside and bask in His presence while tending to the bit of Earth He's given me.

Blending One Thousand Gifts with Five Minute Friday - each week, a flashmob of bloggers internetwide gathers to write for five minutes (no stopping, no editing!) on a prompt provided by sweet Kate, then links up and shares a little comment love. For more posts, more info, and/or to join in, head here!

3 comments: said...

We just finished reading Horse and His Boy, and Aslan tells the children and horses often, that "you only get to hear your story." and it struck me how important our own stories really are! The doors he leads us through are just chapters and, looking back, we get to see such a tapestry of grace.

BusyB said...

I was drawn to the lovely photo on your post. Thank-you for giving me a little peek into the door of your life.

Hannah Leake said...

This was post was so perfect for me today, since there is a fairly big decision that I must make today. Also thinking on the other decisions that I have made this year and wondering where these decisions will lead me or wondering what it would be like if I had chosen the other option. Learning to trust God in the decisions I make and trust that he has good plans for me down each path.