Thursday, January 29, 2015

All That I Have Seen

This week's gifts...
1255. Maintaining a healthy weight for three consecutive weeks
1256. Adam's new job allowing him to come home at a consistent time
1257. Taste testing a reformulation of a gf/df creamer that I already use and love
1258. Finishing a commission knit, and getting to who it needed to be gotten to
1259. A non-dairy solution to my milkshake craving
1260. Journaling through a few chapters of my current nonfiction read
1261. Whole Foods by myself, and finding a few needed items on sale as they prepare for their move
1262. Brooklyn yelling "Ah wuv you!" as Adam was putting her to bed, after I told her I loved her from the other room
1263. Getting the intro packet for our new Compassion kid
1264. Tobin being hungry during the singing part of church, so I was able to stay for the sermon
1265. Slowly talking through a thought, and Adam listening while I did
1266. Brooklyn saying "Panda kiss!" and giving my old teddy a big muah
1267. Tobin sleeping for eight consecutive hours one night, and taking a four hour nap the next day
1268. Adam coming home between work and STEP and allowing me to take a shower
1269. That all days end, and each day starts new
1270. Sleeping off my headache before Tobin woke up (the first time) in the night
1271. Walking at the park, with no jacket - sun, glorious sun!
1272. An unexpected box from my grandparents - a quilt for Tobin and book for Brooklyn
1273. Catching Brooklyn before she got into anything (there were repeated attempts)
1274. Her delight at discovering she could reach a light switch - because she really wanted the light to be on
1275. An encouraging letter from a friend

Sometimes there are days that seem to stretch on and on and you long for nightfall and the relief that sleep brings. And sometimes there are sleepless nightlong vigils and you eagerly watch for the dawn of a new day. And then sometimes both of those happen at the same time, and neither day nor night bring any comfort with their arrival. That's where I've been for the past few days - Tobin has been keeping me up at night, and the way that one of them wakes up as soon as the other lies down for a nap borders on uncanny, and I'm drifting along on the hope of the fading memory that this doesn't last forever.

But the longer it does last, that harder it is to remember that. But the accumulation of one thousand two hundred seventy-five gifts (and counting) rises tall, an Ebenezer that I can return to, point at, and say that God is faithful, that He has always been faithful, that He always will be faithful - He does not alter when He alteration finds, and He is not shaken by tempests (because He commands them). and He is the Daystar that guides me on, even when I cannot see the path at my feet.*

The unfailing consistency of dusk and dawn are themselves a reminder - even if the darkness brings no renewal, I can find rest with Him, and even if the dawn brings no encouragement, in my weakness I can find strength in Him. He has proven Himself again and again, and yet my little faith still wavers - and so I must keep counting!

*Apologies to Shakespeare for the paraphrase of Sonnet 116

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