This week's Five Minute Friday prompt challenged me - I endeavor to always speak what's true, especially about myself, but often I don't tell the whole truth, especially about myself.
Why do I edit myself? Not in the good ways (like making sure that my brain-to-mouth filter is in working order, and praying through the thoughts that it catches, questioning why they were in my brain to begin with), but with the assumption that if people knew who I really was, then they would stop being interested in me.
I actually said that today. My husband relayed the message that someone wanted to get to know me better. I laughed and said, "If she knew me better, she wouldn't like me." And I believed it. I tend to know the people around me better than they know me, and that's a deliberate choice on my part. It saves everyone pain - I'm preempting their rejection, and they're not having to reject me.
But if we're supposed to be a body - the body of Christ - supposed to be brothers and sisters, then that shouldn't be a problem, should it? I want to be able to be who I am - all of me - around those who I hope to spend eternity with, knowing that we'll encourage each other to follow the right Path, and guide each other back when we wander off.
I don't know if it's the people around me that are causing me to tell a partial truth about myself, or if it's past negative experience that I'm inflicting on me myself --- but howe'er it be, no more. If I am right, I desperately need encouragement to continue in that way. And if I am wrong, I want there to be accountability in brothers and sisters who can speak the truth in love.